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What to do with me when I die

Johannas Pope passed away in 2003. But before her death she warned her caretaker: "Don't bury me. I'll be back."

Johannas croaked shortly thereafter. And heeding her wishes, Johanna's caretaker decided to leave her in front of the TV.

Her body, mummified, was found last week by police in Cincinnati.

Good times.

Beautiful Stupidity

If you haven't checked out "Wonder Showzen" on MTV2, then you're seriously missing out. The show takes children's programming and gives it a demented, freakish twist. I'd say the recipe is 1/3 Sesame Street, 1/3 South Park and 1/3 Punk'd with a twist of peyote--the perfect concoction for ad nerds.

Watching it, I'm in awe at how something can be so inane and yet so inspiring at the same time. Good times.

I Like Weeds

So I've never been a big fan of Showtime. HBO has just always blown it out of the water. And overall this is still the case, but I have to say that I'm a huge fan of Weeds, the new series starring Mary-Louise Parker. The first season just wrapped up, but hopefully it'll come back for another next year.

I'm particularly hot for the opening sequence, which you can download here .

It does a great job of blowing out the metaphor between the kindest herb and the instant upscale 'mcmansion' communities that are ruining civilization as we know it. Very well done. I wish more things were very well done.

Martha the Pillager

So luckily I was able to catch the conclusion of Martha Stewart's Apprentice on Wednesday night, not because I was interested in the show itself but because a lot of hype had been built around the bitch's mystery "you're fired" catchphrase. And perhaps more importantly, what kind of hypnotic gesture would accompany this mantra?

First, I must say that Trump set the bar pretty damn high with "The Cobra"—the feared hand signal that has become the hallmark of his show. Nobody wants to get bitten by the cobra. Nobody.

Still I was expecting something momentous to occur when Martha gathered the troops around the table at the end of her show to dismiss the biggest numbnut.

So what does Martha deliver? A shit sandwich, that's what.

"Goodbye," accompanied by a handshake. Fuckin' pathetic.

Now despite Martha's criminally reprehensible behavior I have always thought her to be a woman of creative integrity. How then could she come out with a signature phrase coined years ago by that repulsive woman on The Weakest Link? Martha, you are a hack.

Update: So apparently I'm an idiot, because my friends at televisionwithoutpity note that Martha's catchphrase is actually "You just don't fit in." I certainly remember this from the show but the line was delivered so flatly, so without fervor and so without cobra that I just thought it was her personal critique of the the bastard she was exiling. Who's the dumbass? Me.