advertisingwithoutpity

Superbowl Turds: #2

Toyota did a big PR push leading up the game, touting the fact that they were going to run the first bilingual spot in the history of the universe.

I saw the spot on Sunday during the game. And yes, it features a bilingual father talking to his son about hybrid technology. Good for them.

But c'mon. The fact that you have actors speaking both English AND Spanish for the first time should not prevent you from concepting, should it?

Yes, Toyota, you have broken the bilingual barrier. And you should be applauded for that.

But the spot still blows. There's no escaping it.

Grade: D-

Superbowl Turds: #1

Holy Christ. I've been ridiculously unprolific. My apologies. Things have been nutz.

So over the next couple of days I thought I'd recap some of the worst spots from the big game. The fact that some advertisers spent 2.6 million for 30 seconds of crap is just amazing to me. Some of that shit was just plain stanky! The usual, I guess.

I'm going to start with a major turd from The Kaplan Thaler Group. I was watching with a good-sized group of peeps and no spot quieted the crowd like the shit sandwich they served up for Outback.

And while I'm at it, I just want to say that I'm sick of Linda Kaplan Thaler whoring herself around the media. I saw her quoted in US Weekly the other day. Ugh. You created the Aflac duck. Way to fuckin' go, Linda, you fuckin' hack.

Anyway, their new work for Outback featured a dooshbag with an overblown Aussie accent. You can watch it here, if you dare. But beware, you might throw up in your mouth.

I'd try to summarize the spots for you, but there's nothing to summarize. The guy says some dumb shit and then tries to rip a boomerang off the wall. Not even funny. Not even close to funny. Good stuff, Linda. Sorry, but I don't see Cannes calling about this one.

Grade: F-

Incomprehensible Lizards

I've said before that I like some of The Martin Agency's work. (Although I did spot someone doing the robot in a new UPS ad, so my positive opinion is beginning to wane.)

Anyway, you can't turn on the TV lately (especially during playoff football) without seeing their new stuff for GEICO, featuring the return of that insufferable but apparently popular gecko spokes-animal.

Let me be honest: I fuckin' hate the gecko. If it were up to me, I would dispatch the USPS eagle to snatch him from the earth with his sharp talons, only to take him to a secluded mountain vista where his innards would be eaten. Slowly. And painfully.

Of course, the most annoying thing about the gecko is that he's British. He sounds like a planner for chrissakes, jabbering incessantly about everything and nothing.

The gecko also sounds a lot like Ricky Gervais from "The Office."

So to recap: annoying planner + ricky gervais = gecko.

In one of the new spots, the gecko appears to be having a conversation with an iguana or gila monster or some kind of godforsaken reptile. And for the life of me I cannot make out a single word that little british motherfucker has to say.

I've tried paying attention. I've tried turning up the volume. Nothing works. Either I'm not getting the joke or The Martin Agency has intentionally created gibbberish for the sole purpose of pissing me off.

Bastards.

Regurgitated Berries

Ocean Spray is 75 years old. Good for them.

To commemorate the occasion, Arnold Worldwide (Boston) created some TV spots.

According to Adweek, the work is meant to celebrate Ocean Spray's agricultural heritage, as two farmers quip back and forth about the health benefits of the cranberry.

Sounds OK on paper, I guess. But I saw a few executions on TV last week and couldn't help but think that this is a majorly pathetic ripoff of Riney's uber-famous campaign for Bartles & Jaymes. 

The casting is the same. The voices are the same. The dry exchange between actors is the same. Even the sign-off is eerily similar.

I would expect something like this from, say, FCB Chicago, but not Arnold.

If you are going to rip-off something, for God's sake steal a relatively remote campaign from Singapore or Australia. Pillaging from classic Riney is just plain lazy.

Sony's Got Balls

Just in case you haven't seen it yet, here's the link to a great spot from Fallon UK for Sony. Hella tight.

Dell Hell

I'm desperately trying to understand the new Dell campaign so that I can adequately make fun of it.

Have you seen it? If so, please help.

The ads take place on the set of a talk-show called The Davis Davis Power Hour. One spot features George Hamilton and hawks a Dell TV. The newest spot, which is all over the freakin tube, has the host of the show cut to an interview with Eric the Intern, who delivers some drivel about the newest computer offer. Eric and the host of the Power Hour then proceed to yuck it up in some sort of senseless, bizarro comedy routine gone awry.

Somebody explain this nonsense to me. Please.

All Aboard the Lame Train

First of all, I need to apologize for my lack of attentiveness. I'm on vacation and it has been a little difficult to blog. My bad. Hopefully you all have managed to get by without me. At least temporarily.

Anyway, so yesterday was the first big day of NFL games and the commercial breaks were filled some interesting new material. Kudos to AmEx (I think that's who it was) for doing some decent new mojo-less spots featuring Tom Brady and his offensive lineman. I also laughed quite a bit at CP+B's new promos for BK, featuring The King making some plays on the gridiron.

One campaign, however, rose above the rest. In a bad way. And that was the new work for Coors Light.

First of all, Coors Light should be making a killing. Miller Lite and Bud have been duking it out for what seems like years now. Miller has been trumpeting taste. Bud has been touting (quite lamely) its superior American heritage. So what has Coors done to take advantage of this lame-fest?

Enter THE LOVE TRAIN.

I'm sure you've seen it. The campaign revolves around the idea of a freezing-cold train, designed specifically to deliver "Rocky Mountain taste" to throngs of thirsty beer drinkers--all set to the joyous tune "Love Train" by the O'Jays.

These commercials are reeking gigundo turds. Absolutely, positively turdilicious. Stinky beyond description, they are so abominally bad that FCB Chicago should be permanently closed down by the rest of the ad community.

The latest edition features The Train arriving at sweltering hot Foxboro Stadium (huh?) during a Patriots game in order to save countless fans from suffering through the terrible New England September heat. Say what?

Amazingly, the spot looks like it's from the 80s. But unfortunately I don't think this retro-look was by design.

What a huge missed opportunity by the folks at Coors. With a chance to rise above the fray, they've sunken below it by fielding some serious cowpies.

Cheers to FCB. You have to the worst ads on TV!

L'il Gem

If you haven't seen this spot ("Monster") then you are missing something special. It's Modernista!'s best work so far for Hummer and Noam Murro just doesn't fuck up very often. Another, shot by Jake Scott, is also quite good. You can find them both a few clicks off of the guzzler's homepage.

By the way, I watched that 'Mojo' shit (see post below) again today. It's like a fine cheese. Stinks more and more every day.

Andy's Mojo is a No-Show

I seem to be picking on the dinosaurs at Ogilvy quite a bit, but they've laid another egg with their latest stuff for American Express. The campaign features Andy Roddick and is timed to coincide with the start of the U.S. Open. The concept is lame: Andy has lost his mojo, played strangely by some free-spending dooshbag in a cowboy hat, and he can't get his game back until he tracks his alter-ego down.

Yes, the spots blow pretty hard, but their crapitude is further compounded by the fact that Andy lost in the first round of the Open today to some no-name from Luxembourg. Whoops.

Pytka makes me sleepy

Would it really kill Ogilvy to do an ad without Joe Pytka? He's tired. The new IBM work [above] is whatever. And the new Kodak stuff [below] is stanky. There are plenty of other directors out there who could do better work for about 1/10th of the cost. Clients who let themselves get duped into paying for grandpappy Pytka should be taken out back and beaten with the ugly stick.