advertisingwithoutpity

Mark Foley is Gay?

Mark Foley and Dennis Hastert in a verbal sparring match over being gay. Go to www. snappygreetings.com to send this as a snappygram to your friends.

Be Afraid of Ronald?

The following is a guest post by The Angry Badger...

i think so. i really do. i think chiat's quirky new ronald campaign for mcdonald's where a statue of ronald on a park bench shows up in various settings should give ddb chicago and burnett a stripe in their shorts.

here's why: nothing. the spot says nothing. there's almost no "dialog" (i guess monologue would be more technically correct) in any of the dozen or so spots in this campaign (which has supplanted fallon's work as "strangest mcdonald's commercials ever"). i think this is wise. maybe even genius.

let's face it, mcdonald's has been the standard-bearer for saying too much about too little. for decades it has attempted to liken its combinations of bun, beef, and condiments to the erection of the egyptian pyramids. onions have been diced, slivered, and chopped. patties have been seasoned, salted, and sautéed in mcgoodness. who could forget ode to a grecian salad...

you know. i know. the billions and billions worldwide who've ever been to a mcdonald's know that the less said about the product the better. mcdonald's is cheap, tasty, and omnipresent. good night. like weekends in vegas and mix-tape collections, the less said about them the better.

that said, chiat's "silent ronald" is genius in that it doesn't insult us.

the particulars of mcdonald's may make us shutter, but the generalities conjure up something warm in even the hardest souls. that commercial makes me want to go to mcdonald's more than any commercial they've had in years. i don't go there for the specifics. i go there for the generalities. i don't care to know what's in the secret sauce, thank you.

both ddb and burnett really, really get the brand, so how chiat managed to extricate themselves from the ingredient shackles must be cause of great consternation. but they did. and now burnett and ddb must surely have supersized mcenvy. i called an old friend who worked on the arches in the past. "a poor approximation of the BK crazy king campaign," he said through clenched teeth. maybe so. it may not be the most original campaign going.

but it does do something this venerable brand hasn't done for some time, perhaps ever. by not insulting me, the brand draws me to it. precious few advertisers or advertising can say that.

i'm lovin' it. mcdonald's roster shops-- not so much.

Superbowl Turds: #2

Toyota did a big PR push leading up the game, touting the fact that they were going to run the first bilingual spot in the history of the universe.

I saw the spot on Sunday during the game. And yes, it features a bilingual father talking to his son about hybrid technology. Good for them.

But c'mon. The fact that you have actors speaking both English AND Spanish for the first time should not prevent you from concepting, should it?

Yes, Toyota, you have broken the bilingual barrier. And you should be applauded for that.

But the spot still blows. There's no escaping it.

Grade: D-

Quick Plug

If you don't already read MIT's blog on the future of advertising, then you should. Just about as good as it gets when it comes to staying on top of the latest trends and technologies in this sad business, including dogvertising and cowvertising (as seen below).

Superbowl Turds: #1

Holy Christ. I've been ridiculously unprolific. My apologies. Things have been nutz.

So over the next couple of days I thought I'd recap some of the worst spots from the big game. The fact that some advertisers spent 2.6 million for 30 seconds of crap is just amazing to me. Some of that shit was just plain stanky! The usual, I guess.

I'm going to start with a major turd from The Kaplan Thaler Group. I was watching with a good-sized group of peeps and no spot quieted the crowd like the shit sandwich they served up for Outback.

And while I'm at it, I just want to say that I'm sick of Linda Kaplan Thaler whoring herself around the media. I saw her quoted in US Weekly the other day. Ugh. You created the Aflac duck. Way to fuckin' go, Linda, you fuckin' hack.

Anyway, their new work for Outback featured a dooshbag with an overblown Aussie accent. You can watch it here, if you dare. But beware, you might throw up in your mouth.

I'd try to summarize the spots for you, but there's nothing to summarize. The guy says some dumb shit and then tries to rip a boomerang off the wall. Not even funny. Not even close to funny. Good stuff, Linda. Sorry, but I don't see Cannes calling about this one.

Grade: F-

Still Going Postal

Just when you think the trend has gone by the wayside, something like this happens:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11107022/

Dakota Fugly Fanning

This blog is popular, but for all the wrong reasons.

A few months ago I made a random post about my distaste for Dakota Fanning, appropriately entitled "I Hate Dakota Fanning."

She's terrible. And the American public agrees. "I hate Dakota Fanning" is a popular search on both Yahoo! and Google--and they all end up here at AWP.

Since then, 50% of my traffic has been Dakota-related. And 75% of the comments have come from the Dakota Defense League (pathetic 11-year-old girls with a complete lack of respect for proper spelling).

Anyway, the madness has got to stop. I appreciate the traffic, but you people really aren't wanted here. This is a blog about advertising, not heinous young Tom Cruise-loving actresses. I posted about Dakota during a brief moment of weakness and now it's time to move on.

So if you're here to tell me about how great Dakota is and how you met her on a flight and how she gave you her cell number and how you guys are the best of friends, please go away.

From now on, you have to be AT LEAST 13-years-old to visit Advertising Without Pity.

Thank you.

Jesus Christ!

Kanye West on the upcoming cover of Rolling Stone:

Incomprehensible Lizards

I've said before that I like some of The Martin Agency's work. (Although I did spot someone doing the robot in a new UPS ad, so my positive opinion is beginning to wane.)

Anyway, you can't turn on the TV lately (especially during playoff football) without seeing their new stuff for GEICO, featuring the return of that insufferable but apparently popular gecko spokes-animal.

Let me be honest: I fuckin' hate the gecko. If it were up to me, I would dispatch the USPS eagle to snatch him from the earth with his sharp talons, only to take him to a secluded mountain vista where his innards would be eaten. Slowly. And painfully.

Of course, the most annoying thing about the gecko is that he's British. He sounds like a planner for chrissakes, jabbering incessantly about everything and nothing.

The gecko also sounds a lot like Ricky Gervais from "The Office."

So to recap: annoying planner + ricky gervais = gecko.

In one of the new spots, the gecko appears to be having a conversation with an iguana or gila monster or some kind of godforsaken reptile. And for the life of me I cannot make out a single word that little british motherfucker has to say.

I've tried paying attention. I've tried turning up the volume. Nothing works. Either I'm not getting the joke or The Martin Agency has intentionally created gibbberish for the sole purpose of pissing me off.

Bastards.

Beastie Boys Going to Sundance

You gotta hand it to the Beastie Boys. The dudes never sold out. And you know they had plenty of chances to do so.

PSFK notes that the group is set to launch a film at Sundance this weekend. The band handed out 50 cameras to fans during a recent concert at Madison Square Garden. After the show they collected the footage and edited it all together. Very cool. You can read more about it here.

I gotta say that I'm not a huge fan of the "commercials created by consumers" trend. This, however, seems like the perfect way to let fans participate in creating the brand/band experience.

Two Gay Cowboys

"Doing the Robot" Has Been Done

You're a creative person. You're on set, shooting your latest crap sandwich. The script calls for dancing. You suggest to the director that somebody should "do the robot."

"Doing the robot is funny!" you say.

The director agrees. "Yes, the robot is funny." So he encourages one of the quirkier actors to hinge his elbows and have at it.

Everybody laughs. The robot is funny. Ha Ha.

A week or two later in the editing suite, you're sitting next to the smelly guy at the Avid. The edit just isn't looking right. Definitely not how you envisioned it in your head. Suddenly you remember that you've got a cut with a guy "doing the robot." You find it. Your spot is saved. That shit is FUNNY.

OK. Back to reality. If you've ever done this, or you think you might do this in the future, please don't. "Doing the robot" is no longer funny. And whilst some people might think that "doing the robot" is on par with monkeys and midgets in terms of guaranteed laughs, I'm afraid that "doing the robot" just doesn't have as much staying power as really short people or chimpanzees. Sorry, you have not just created the next "Mr. Roboto." You've actually created a turd burger.

I write this only because I've seen at least two new spots this weekend with people "doing the robot." One of them was for Wendy's, which you can watch here (it's the last of the three spots). The other I can't remember, except for the fact that it sucked ass.

Thank you.

2005 Report Cards

The folks at AdAge recently released their year-end performance review of 40 top agencies in the U.S.

Earning top honors was BBDO. Nice work Lubars.

But let's not forget the big losers in this year's survey: Lowe and Y&R. Both of these agencies garnered the prestigious honor of earning one star (out of five) for their efforts. According to AdAge, you can't suck any worse than that.

No doubt the work speaks for itself. Lowe is reponsible for Saab's regurgitated "Born from Jets" campaign. And Y&R didn't do anything worth a shit last year. Nothing I can even make fun of.

What to do with me when I die

Johannas Pope passed away in 2003. But before her death she warned her caretaker: "Don't bury me. I'll be back."

Johannas croaked shortly thereafter. And heeding her wishes, Johanna's caretaker decided to leave her in front of the TV.

Her body, mummified, was found last week by police in Cincinnati.

Good times.

Speakerphired

These are scary, but exciting times in the ad biz. So many new formats. So many new media opportunies. So many new ways to piss off consumers.

For agencies, it's a brave new digital world and marketers are only beginning to realize the potential of this new, fractured media environment. As a result, agencies are experimenting like never before. And no doubt they are learning a lot in the process.

Lost in this endless on-demand, "consumer is in control" hoopla, however, has been the HR professional, who has been soul-searching ever since Fast Company ripped him a new one in its August 2005 cover story.

Well, apparently HR has also been experimenting within this new technological landscape, exploring new ways to demonstrate their usefulness and ingenuity.

The latest example of this new era in HR comes courtesy of Publicis Groupe's Optimedia, who (several days before the Xmas holiday) reportedly gathered a half-dozen or so employees from its Seattle outpost over the speakerphone to inform them that they were being canned.

Yeah, you heard that right. They were fired over the speakerphone. They were speakerphired.

According to inside sources, the experiment is being hailed as a monumental triumph, although further market testing is required. An initial cost analysis of the tactic was dubbed "a rousing success" by one official who wished to remain imaginary, "since we didn't have to put anybody on a plane to fire people in person. Plus, canning someone over the phone a few days before Christmas is just a lot less awkward."

Without question, the future of HR appears bright. Already, some within the industry are discussing the possibility of firing employees via podcast. Others are even rumored to be exploring the text message as a viable, even more spineless means of termination.

Very exciting stuff, indeed.

Fallon has fallen. Can it get up?

It wasn't that long ago that the advertising world was salivating over Fallon and the success of BMW Films. The work was earth shattering. Mind-boggling. Awe-inspiring. Game changing.

Adweek pooped its pants. One Show judges creamed themselves. AdAge shat the bed. The entire population of Cannes, France swooned in collective adoration.

But of late things aren't looking so rosy for the folks in Minneapolis. Lubars left. Bologna and Bildsten bolted. Merkin migrated. Goldstein = gone. And just the other day, Dabill departed.

And since Paul Silburn picked up the helm in MN, the agency has lost a shload of business (including Sony and BMW). The agency also closed its NY shop, which in 2000 was the hottest thing going.

Sure, some of this is just the nature of the biz. And yes, I liked the Citi Identity theft stuff. The amazing Sony Bravia spot doesn't count, though, cuz it was done out of the London office. 

Overall, I'm just calling it like i see it. And it ain't lookin' pretty.

The Power of Shame

The good people of Tennessee have come up with a new way to punish drunk drivers, Hester Prynne style. According to CNN, first time DUI offenders will have to pick up trash for 24 hours while wearing orange jumpsuits emblazoned with the words "I am a Drunk Driver."

To help prevent us all from being exposed to bad ads, I've decided that the marketing community should adopt a similar law.

For instance, why not make those responsible for "Crumbelievable" wear a shirt that says "I'm a Crumbelievable Art Director".

Or perhaps we could make the entire FCB Chicago office wear shirts tattooed with the Coors Light logo and the words "All Aboard the Love Train".

Without question there are too many awards in this biz, but what about the other side of the coin? Shouldn't we be recognizing those who are truly suckworthy? 

Doozenberry

I finally got around to finishing Phil's book. It ain't that bad. I give it a B or B+. (I only hesitate over the B+ because there's a moment when Phil tries to convince us that Jason Alexander as spokesperson for KFC was a good idea.)

Anyway, he devotes most of it to the difference between ideas and insights, the latter being the more sacred and precious of the two as powerful insights yield unlimited numbers of ideas. Good stuff, I guess.

I must say, however, that I finished the book wishing that Phil had a bit more edge to him. He only takes a jab at one person--Don Johnson--who apparently was a huge asshole on the set of a Pepsi shoot back in his Miami Vice days.

But that's the extent of the jabs. Bummer. I was hoping for more gossip, more anger, more vitriol, more something from Grandpappy Dusenberry.

Still, I gotta recommend the memoir, despite the fact that Phil looks a little bit like George Hamilton. Check it out if you can.

CPB is Agency of the Year (Again)

This might be a bit of old news to many of you, but Creativity recently named CPG "Agency of the Year" for the second year in a row.

Here's a quick blurb from the editors at the mag about the agency's success in 2005:

Most of you won't be surprised by the appointment of CPB to its now familiar post as Agency of the Year. You might be surprised though by how utterly boring were our reasons for the choice (those imaginative readers who email us every year alleging that our picks are the result of everything from payola to sex favor swapping, step away from the keyboards, monkeys, and prepare to be disappointed): the agency just did better, more resonant work for more clients than anyone else.

Though we naturally gravitate toward forward-thinking work and the companies behind it, we're not blinded by channel chicanery for its own sake. Great ideas that come from great audience insight, executed with greatness, win. All the things we spend the whole year talking about—breaking through, engaging audiences, creating content that can compete with any kind of entertainment—the agency just does, and for an inarguably wide range of brands—the client roster includes fast food, cars, household and beauty products, an airline, dried meat, big retail, beer, a search engine, bike gear, a lad's magazine, and an anti-tobacco body among others. All of the work CPB submitted—from TV spots to fake print ads in Auto Trader, to DVDs to masks and rubber grips—just worked. It got into faces and into lives and into the cultural stew, which isn't a wank on the agency's part nor a lapse in marketing judgment on ours for recognizing it. It's what we think makes a difference, ultimately, for brands. We could be wrong. CPB could be wrong. But right now, at a time when the smartest people in the industry are making shit up as they go, the agency's brain trust is making up stuff that often seems, in its own sometimes silly way, important. And it's translated into business success for the agency. After parting ways with Ikea, Molson and Mini, the agency's well known M.O. translated into nothing but upgrades—including new business from Miller, and the Volkswagen and Sprite accounts.

Overall, I'd say this award is well deserved. I can't say I'm a fan of all the work the shop turned out. The Slim Jim stuff is terrible and the article failed to mention that they are responsible for what has the be the worst spot of the year by far: "Chilltop" for Coke Zero. Still, no agency is 100% perfect. All-in-all, they are still doing the best stuff around.

Nice work, CPB.

Motel 6 Creates Podcast "Just for Shits and Giggles"

I read on Adweek the other day that Motel 6, in collaboration with its agency The Richards Group, has created a Podcast titled "Top 6 Reasons to stay at a Motel during the Holidays."

A press release at Motel 6's website goes on to say that “The podcast format allows consumers an expanded focus on topics or personalities that are not covered in traditional media. It allows us an opportunity to communicate with our existing customers and potential customers in a fun, innovative way.”

First of all, I'm down with podcasting. No doubt it's a cool medium that many brands ought to explore. But the obvious question here is 'WHAT THE FUCK, MOTEL 6 IS PODCASTING?!' 

I just can't imagine that a single Motel 6 customer or potential customer is out there looking for a podcast, especially at www.accor-na.com. Apparently The Richards Group somehow forgot that Motel 6 is not "The W." In fact, I'd be willing to bet that no self-respecting iPod owner has ever checked into a Motel 6. Ever. In history.

Strange, but cheers to The Richards Group for convincing its client that this was a good idea.